yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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