So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
BRING THE BAGELS
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
