Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
