Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
