Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
