Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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