Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
