wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize