just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
