he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
