Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
