Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I deserve this hangover.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
