new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize