Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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