How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
