Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
did i just pee glitter
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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