I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
