but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
