The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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