$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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