Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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