I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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