if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
