The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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