Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
too bad you live with your parents still
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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