dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Randomize
