What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
