You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i think my cat just said my name.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
