I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
