she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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