After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
