girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
