i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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