My hair reeks of homosexuality.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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