meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
ok first of all what the fuck
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
