Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
