how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
