he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize