And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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