I want to have your abortion
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
