Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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