I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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