ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
