White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Two words: blizzard sex
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
