no more duck duck goose at the bar
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize