guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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