everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
