I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
