just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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