Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize