I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
