dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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