Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
