i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
