no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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