forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Randomize
