My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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