I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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