yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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