He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
