Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
