Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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