i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize