The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
